You Can’t Have Everything All At Once

  

  

There’s six fires to put out at once. When does a busy mama find time to BE HERE NOW? 

Yesterday I was helping my daughter get dressed for church. She stood in front of me, wearing her flowered Sunday dress, and asked me to help her button her sweater.

I just got home from working my second shift of three, 7 pm to 7 am, of 12+ long, busy hours on my feet. I am tired. I need to go to bed.

My child needs her teeth brushed, her hair brushed, her shoes found. She needs to have a breakfast packed, extra clothes for the sitter packed, she needs to be strapped into her carseat. I have to drive her to the sitter, get her settled, and drive back home. All before I can sink into a heavy, corpse-like sleep that my body craves like oxygen.

  
This morning is like hundreds of Sunday mornings, stacked up on top of each other to eternity.

The exhaustion weighs on me so heavily that each task feels insurmontable. Even every button that needs to be buttoned … it feels like climbing an entire mountain.

“No mama, not that way.” she tells me. “Don’t just button one of them. All of them.” All of a sudden I look at my daughter. Her hair she carefully brushed herself, and tucked her bangs up into a headband. Her pink headband matches the pink flowers on her dress. She is so grown up and yet so tiny still. Her big, blue eyes look up at me. I squeeze her hands gently. They are so soft, and small.

I tell myself:

Don’t wait for the day when you are finally well rested to appreciate your beautiful child. She is four years old. She is the oldest she has ever been, and the youngest she will ever be. She has a beautiful soul-uplifting laugh that makes your heart smile. Her legs get longer by the day.

Don’t wait till the day when you finally feel “balance” to let yourself feel JOY. Don’t deprive yourself of sweet happiness, with the excuse that you haven’t slept, or eaten well, or that the stress of life still constantly overcomes you.

Today is the day when your daughter is still four. You can’t have everything all at once.

  

I’m an artist, and it’s ok that today, my art is mostly coloring inside the lines in princess coloring books.

I’m a yogi, whose body is not long and lean, but rather soft and streaked with stretch marks.

I am a gardener. We planted an herb garden this summer and everything died (ok, French lavender is not indigenous to Texas.)

Sometimes it feels like everything is flying up in the air, and it’s only a matter of time before it all smashes on the floor.

Don’t let that truth distract you from the here and now … the beauty and simplicity of a little girl who needs someone to help her button up her sweater.

You are here, you are now.

You might not have everything all at once, but the entire universe belongs to you.

Love, Kate

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